...but..

Im now writing a real blog. Like what real people do! Been locking myself in my room for days now (of coz I do come out to go to work)..right after work, back in my room. Doing what? Apart from sleeping, im in marathon to finish the ‘How I Met Your Mother’ series. Been into it too much until I really got carried away. N’way, in one of the episode, they were talking about ‘but’..let’s rewind to my real life for a bit.. I just (still feel like it ‘just’ happened but honestly, it happened about 6 months ago) broke up with my ex. We were supposed to get married. Bought both engagement n wedding rings already, bought kain for baju tunang, bought the hantarans and the decorations, went to see the pelamin, did survey for the food and booked the venue already! Yes, that was how close things were to the actual event. THEN, two months before our engagement day, the unbelievable thing happened! We broke up! Why? Simple, he’s a chicken, a jackass and has no balls (literally! Although I hope it’s for real)! what makes me say that? Hmm..simple, someone told his parents that I smoke and showed them pictures of me wearing bikinis (which was taken way before I met him)..being typical parents, they were disappointed with me and called off the whole wedding thingy. HE on the other hand, refused to (too chicken or doesn’t love me as much as he said he does) stand up for me. Knowing that his reputation will be tarnished by standing up for me, (because what he did without his parents knowledge is, trust me, wayyy worst than me! At least, my parents are aware with the things that I do..EVERY SINGLE THING! even the bad and crazy ones)..but him, just pray hard that you could be a God damn good actor in front of your parents or im sure they will get a heart attack realizing, a girl who used to wear a bikini is way better than a guy who is a womanizer and used to be an alcoholic! His refusal to stand up for me, is nothing. His mom thinking that his son is an angel and sending me rude and outrages sms-es is still not the bad part, treating our breakup as just another normal breakup and found himself a new girlfriend a couple of months later, still not the worst part! THE WORST PART is.., although he already has a new girlfriend (who is nice, naïve and innocent), he is still being a jackass! Here’s why..While his girlfriend is in hospital bed in JB, just undergone an operation..guess what he has been doing in KL? Haha..i don’t think I have to explain it here..they are all the *censored* stuffs. Nuff said that, he forgot that I have 5 years legal trainings and I keep my evidences well! And if these evidences (the photos, the sms-es, the voice/video calls) came to his gf’s knowledge, im very sure she would want to Clorox every single part of her skin that has a direct contact with him ;) yes, what he did was not before he met her, but during the period that they are in relationship and while she’s sick! Guys and their lust..they could never be separated! Did I mentioned that he’s planning to marry this girl? Haha..yes, he is..i don’t know how he’s going to live with all the guilt if he does marry this girl..or maybe, he is just too stone hearted and will never have that guilt.. Ok, back on track! The ‘but’ thingy..these couple of days, I’ve been collecting my ‘but(s)’..the reason? To perfect my imperfectness..Im too worn out with my recent failure in “love” so now im trying to evaluate myself..to change all the negative part of me and be a better person so that when I meet a new guy, I’ll be closer to perfect..What’s a ‘but’? haha..ok..let say you want to introduce me to a guy. You’ll tell him, “hey look! You should meet my friend, Tisha! She’s really nice, she’s pretty, has a good job..bla bla bla (and the list goes on)..”..In that conversation, you’ll bring forward all the positive part of me and will be leaving out all the bad ones you know bout me because it’ll defeat the purpose of you wanting that guy to get to know me if he knows the bad side of me as well..so, I want to know the negative part..the ‘but’ that you conceal… ‘she’s nice, she’s cute..but..?? After doing some survey, here are the list of my ‘but(s)’.. Friend No. 1: High ego (rejected! That’s not a ‘but’..reason: guys always think their ego is bigger so dropping my ego will be a challenge to him..and guys love challenges..so, automatically, the ‘but’ became a plus point!) Friend No. 2: Huge ego! (again, denied as to the same reason) Friend No. 3: Big ego! (DENIED!) Friend No. 4: “she’s very pretty but although she might look nice on the outside, she’s actually not that ‘nice’ (still, that’s not a ‘but’..guys love naughty girls ;)) Friend No. 5: Cunning (could be both a ‘but’ and a plus point) Friend No. 6: “Need huge attention, jealousy, always **censored**, easily insecure, self centered, can be a bitch sometimes, sensitive, manipulative, need to give her space when she asked for it” (this one is tough, I don’t know whether he’s trying to generalize all girls just for the sake of answering my question or he’s actually referring to me because some of it is true but some of it, hmmm..even my ex-s doesn’t think so) Im still collecting my ‘but(s)’ so, this post might be edited from time to time ;) p/s: this is one hella long post!